A little background…
I am back at square one with my weight loss journey. I find myself in a very different place this time. Perhaps better, perhaps just different. But as far as the scale is concerned- the same.
Since I started and (then almost immediately) stopped writing this blog I have lost 50+ pounds, endured a world-wide pandemic, went through an additional two rounds of IVF (bringing our grand total to six), a high-risk pregnancy, and navigating life as a new mom at the age of 39, and somehow found the 50+ pounds again.
With my family and fertility plans now pretty well closed, I find myself looking at more options on the table than ever before in regards to weight loss. I’ve never wanted to investigate medications or surgical procedures as pregnancy, either during or immediately after, was always contraindicated. I would NEVER do something that would possibly endanger my chances for success. Anyone that has gone through infertility knows that the most precious commodity, and the one that can induce panic attacks, is TIME. Of course in hindsight, knowing JJ wasn’t joining our team until I was 39, I could have taken a few years in my early/mid-thirties to have the surgery and recover. But alas…
Fighting for Time
So, now that I’m 40 and the mom of the BEST boy in the entire world I feel like I’m fighting to earn time with him. Why does it always come down to TIME? I don’t want to miss a minute of his life and people/women that weigh 300 pounds don’t get to see 90. It’s not a matter of self-confidence. Would I like to fit in smaller clothes? Of course. Would I like to see my collarbones again on the regular? Sure. But right now it’s more about having the energy to keep up with JJ as he gets older. It’s about fitting in airplane seats comfortably so I no longer have anxiety about flying so I can be there as JJ experiences the world first-hand. It’s about not worrying about the weight capacity of playground equipment as I clamor after my son.
I’m already the old mom. No changing that. I don’t want to also be the fat mom. Dear God, I hope JJ never sees me break a lawn chair. I have a lot of “whys” which I’m sure I will delve into more deeply as I write more, but suffice it to say, I gots reasons.
The doctor has entered the conversation
When I went to visit my bariatric doctor to discuss options I was primarily focused on options that were non-surgical and non permanent, although I do qualify for surgical procedures. I would certainly NEVER say never to surgery, but right now I do not have the ability to go through the long-term recovery required of surgical options. Also, I’d really like to not have to follow a very specific and very limited diet FOREVER. I have struggled with very restrictive diets that trigger my disordered eating. So, our conversation centered mainly around medication options and the gastric balloon (Orbera).
Medications like those making headlines right now(Ozempic, Wegovy, etc) are cost prohibitive for the Average Joe. Seriously. We’re talking $1,200+ per month. Without diagnosed Type II Diabetes, insurance doesn’t cover it at all. They also have a rebound effect where when you stop the medication the weight comes back. So even if the cost were do-able in the short term, you would need to esentially take them forever to maintain the benefits. There are other medications (such as Contrave) but they typically are something that needs constant monitoring by a doctor and can have side effects. Medications have a lesser probability of success with BMIs over 35.
A gastric balloon is literally a balloon that in inserted in the stomach and inflated with saline. It makes it harder to eat large amounts of food (similar to other bariatric procedures), but it is removed after six months. After it is removed you stay under the doctor’s care for the remainder of a year to help guide through the diet, lifestyle, and possible medications that are needed to continue the weight loss to your desired goal weight.
Taking a Leap Towards Health
I do not have diabetes. I do not have high blood pressure. I do not have high cholesterol. I am a candidate for the balloon and I’m doing it. It certainly has its downsides. Once it’s out it’s all on me to maintain/continue the journey. The diet is restrictive in its own way which gives me pause in regards to my history with disordered eating. And it is not covered by insurance so it is allllllll on me financially too. $$$$
BUT I’m trying to manifest my positive intentions and not my worries.
So here are my affirmative statements I’m focusing on.
- I am certain I will lose 120 pounds with the gastric balloon, lifestyle changes, diet and exercise by March 2024.
- I love and care for my physical body.
- Moving my body brings me joy.
- I have a healthy relationship to food.
- Weight loss is possible for me.
We’re a week out from the procedure! What questions do you have about Orbera or bariatric procedures in general?
Love to you all.